Proposing a planet swap to the aliens? You can (maybe they fall for it)

After the pandemic and the Third World War, have we finally reached the landing of aliens? This is the scenario that lies ahead after the American Department of Defence, in the aftermath of the umpteenth shooting down of an “unidentified flying object” in the skies between the United States and Canada, admitted that it “does not rule out any hypothesis” regarding where those things come from. Subsequently some officials have reduced these words and excluded the idea that they are extraterrestrial objects; but that’s not believable, I mean, how do you rule it out? What did they find in the wreckage of the downed aircraft so distinctive as to be definitely terrestrial? A form of PDO cheese? Don’t be caught off guard: let’s not let only paranoid and conspiracy theorists prepare for the eventuality of an alien landing on Earth, on the contrary, it is good that some sentient adult capable of understanding and wanting to take the matter into consideration.

It’s not the possible aliens that worry me so much, but us terrestrials: this is a historical period in which we are not particularly presentable – and I am not referring only to the fact that we are always in tracksuits and sneakers. We have already started badly in this story, we have already made the first gaffe: at first we immediately thought that those UFOs were all Chinese spy balloons, offending both the Chinese (“are you giving us extraterrestrials?!”) and aliens (“are you giving us Chinese?!”) in one fell swoop?. From now on we can no longer make mistakes: if it were really extraterrestrials, it would be a great opportunity to be seized! Like wealthy English or American tourists who arrive in Tuscany or Umbria or Puglia and buy farms, trulli, farmhouses, vineyards, villages or entire hills simply because they are enraptured by the landscape, food and wine, we can also fleece the Martians.

Or propose an exchange of planets: they are here and we are with them, a unique opportunity in the history of humanity to be able to start over, start from scratch elsewhere, after having learned from our mistakes – because we have learned, haven’t we? To succeed in this scam (because this is what it is about, let’s face it: the Earth is a planet used and also badly used, full of debts and where you turn around there is a problem, everything shakes, falls apart, and there are big humidity problems like the sea that rises and sinks everything), to succeed in this planetary scam, I was saying, we have to work as a team to sell what we have to offer in the best possible way, hiding the flaws. We have to hide the ongoing wars: who would take a planet with such ongoing disputes? Go and explain to him that no, it’s nothing, it’s the one upstairs who threatens to drop the atomic bomb but then doesn’t… Let’s hope that these aliens don’t suffer from the heat: if they notice that this planet is overheated they will leave again at the speed of light. Drought, on the other hand, isn’t a problem: these come from space, they’re used to planets without water, they won’t even notice. Please, nobody says anything about the earthquake in Syria and Turkey; if the aliens notice something and say “what about that crack in the ground?” you say that it’s always been there, that it’s wanted, it’s made on purpose – on purpose to make it unknown, you play vague and change the subject. Body positivity is ok, but now that we’re under observation can we please all heal ourselves the old-fashioned way, hiding imperfections? We try to look good. Maybe they’ll buy us.