No thousand extensions for those born under the sign of Taurus

ARIES
Standard & Poor’s rating negative week, BBB— we’re bordering on a junk stock in economic terms. You have been scammed once again, that’s fine with you. How many government advertising campaigns to warn users not to buy from traffickers in service stations… nothing. You Aries are always convinced to buy an official Rolex for 50 euros. At this point you just have to do the pataccari too. I recommend Milano-Laghi, the Swiss customers are excellent (immediate earnings). And they usually don’t come back to complain. HI.

BULL
The Ventotene manifesto never existed. With this disconcerting declaration on a Tuscan radio, you make your debut as a DJ. Finally a sign of truth. You are immediately fired by the communist editor. Also because after this beautiful declaration all the commercials are withdrawn. Against this delusional exit against the EU which puts Italy in a state of infringement. To then be expelled. Never as in this case is the saying appropriate: because of someone’s fault, no credit is given to anyone. It goes without saying that the funds allocated by Brussels for the Pnrr are also suspended. For her (del Toro): the bathhouse inherited from your grandfather that your family has valued over the course of a hundred years (restaurant, dance club, etc.) is confiscated. No extension for Taurus beach lovers. For the other beach managers (of the other zodiac signs) the extension for the sled races to 2079. Sorry for those girls from Taurus, but a small sop on the reliefs of the Quirinale also had to be done, as a government. So the milleproroghe is sent back to the Chambers with this zodiacal discrimination. The oppositions also vote with the government except for two deputies (from Aquarius), who are prevented by the Speaker of the Chamber from entering the Montecitorio canteen for 1 year.

TWINS
Rating of the week BB++, one step away from throwing your whole existence away. Congratulations. Your proposal to tear down (with a bulldozer) Palazzo Pitti has been accepted by the Tuscany region. Sorry, because the first couture show in the world took place here. And it is precisely for the shame that this building must be demolished, the rubble thrown into the Arno (or other river in the area). The Lombardy region, on the other hand, is evaluating your other interesting proposal: tearing down the Royal Villa of Monza and expanding the famous racetrack in the park (the largest in an urban area in the world). Plus construction of two new stadiums for Inter-Milan with adequate parking. In practice, the park disappears, like the million m2 of green used for the Expo. Rightly.

CANCER
Rating Standard BB – – – Poor’s instead BB++, never in the history of this glorious risk assessment agency had they expressed two different ratings… so much so that, being no longer credible on the financial markets, sorry to say, it fails because of you. As for love nothing to report. Your habit of smelling your partner’s or his feet exposes you to criticism even at work, for which you will be fired for this reason. Is it right or wrong to mix work and private behaviour? I don’t know. The result is that you are unemployed, you are not entitled to any subsidy precisely because of this vice. Get fake documents.

LION
Let’s say right away that women who practice female bodybuilding are 99 percent of this noble sign. Usually they get engaged to Scorpio dedicated to the most grueling race: 50 km swimming in ocean waters, 200 km by bike, uphill marathon in the Dolomites, all races one after the other. The discipline has a name, I can’t remember now and I don’t want to google it. However, he also sees another woman, in practice he cheats on you. They are usually very beautiful shop assistants from the boutiques in the center of Genoa. If you don’t want to lose him, don’t investigate, if you corner him he will choose the beautiful 25-year-old saleswoman. Go ahead with bodybuilding. And keep your male despite… he goes to put the biscuit in another location (vulgarly speaking).

VIRGIN
Just do the horoscope for this sign. In fact until the new millennium I don’t see anything good for those born under this disaster. But yeah! Let’s say something. You are offended on the street by minors, not once but many times. Needless to complain, the authorities agree with them. Minors know this, so they go to steal from the supermarket whose owner is usually of the sign of Aries. It’s a coincidence, they can’t know that.

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BALANCE
Let’s say right away that the most beautiful women in the world belong to this sign. (Do a check if you are not convinced). Despite this gift they are the most unlucky in love. This is the trend again this week. Weeping for the umpteenth disappointment, but aren’t you the ones who choose all men with the head of a criminal? No, I do not think.

SCORPIO
You have the bad habit of saying phrases to your loved one like: “I’ll do whatever you say”. The biggest mistake a boyfriend can make. In fact… there’s no need to put the gas pipe in your mouth and ruefully wait for the end. How’s your digestion? I understand you can’t stomach even a blueberry anymore. Xatral advice to spread before going to bed in the stable, prolonged treatment. If it doesn’t help, go on yawning in front of everyone and you will continue to hear: sorry, didn’t you digest?

SAGITTARIUS
Can dog shampoo be used for other purposes as well? But let’s not be bullshit. It’s only used for that. But you Sagittarius what do you have in mind? To subvert the established order? Old coup masons. It goes without saying that all coup plotters are Sagittarius… not all Sagittarius are coup plotters. For her: sorry to tell you but someone had to take responsibility and let you know the truth: you are no longer a little girl. For the rest everything is fine.

CAPRICORN
At the Genoa boat show this year Capricorn (male) visitors are not welcome. Last year it was Libra’s turn. It is useless to protest, the only exception is if you buy a boat. But just to browse the stands, they are banned. Next year it’s Gemini’s turn. For me it’s a beautiful and original rule, let’s not talk inappropriately about racism. Although in this case it is.

ACQUARIUM
Standard & Poor’s refuses to give you the rating, never happened before. Stop kissing the 73-year-old neighbor. They closed your TikTok profile for several complaints received by the management. It seems that you have bad language, although I do not know. Rather because on Instagram you act rude and not on TikTok?

FISH
When do you decide to change the bathroom fixtures in your home? Even the sink in the kitchen. What a shame. Isn’t it that you also use it for other less noble purposes? However for me you should be a sign crossed out of the zodiac. To be completely complete, the zodiac should have only ten signs.

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• Maurice Milani

• Born in Milan on May 20, 1961. Real name: Carlo Barcellesi. Graduated from eighth grade at Camera del Lavoro of Milan in 1985, evening course with limited number. After the military he works as a kitchen boy in a hotel. In 1987 he finished last in “Riso in Italy”, an important competition in Rome for young people. He appeals and wins. He has an eviction but does not recognize the sentence. He has been collaborating with Il Foglio since 1986 thanks to the director Giuliano Ferrara. He is engaged to Monica.