No more cigarettes outdoors? Finally we will be able to breathe our smog

Not only smugglers: Giorgia Meloni intends to hunt down smokers all over the globe. It is recent news that the government wants to extend the ban on smoking (including electronic cigarettes) also outdoors: smoking will be prohibited even in the outdoor areas of bars and restaurants, in public parks and at bus stops, so that can finally breathe smog and fine dust without the pollution of all those cigarettes. The question remains why not make smoking illegal full stop, given that you can no longer smoke anywhere; and the episode of “Ulisse” on RaiTre is already being prepared with Alberto Angela discovering the tobacconists, “ancient pagan temples where the devotees of Bacchus, Tobacco and Scratch & Win sacrificed money and lungs”. The left restarts from the Marlboros – the Democratic Party is already dividing into soft and hard currents, light and normal. Smokers are on a war footing: acts of civil disobedience are foreseen, such as clicking on the traffic police or contesting government and majority representatives by blowing smoke into their eyes. After all, since the anti-rave provision (prohibition of gatherings for more than fifty-one people with loud music), it was understood that this executive has a marked inclination to ban and no sense of the ridiculous.

What other prohibition should we expect for the future? I take the liberty of suggesting a few, that’s the level anyway. With spring already gone and summer on the way, I would immediately trigger a good bathing ban for migrants. Other than the coast guard: the body of state lifeguards (to be set up urgently) will order non-EU citizens to get out of the water immediately, regardless of whether the sea is rough or calm. Another prohibition to be instituted rather urgently is the prohibition of cuddly toys outdoors. After the protests in Cutro, where the demonstrators threw stuffed animals at government cars, the executive could launch a crackdown on soft and furry puppets. Prohibition of soft toys in streets, squares, parks and meeting places. The reason? The government fears that in this climate there could be clashes between the police and the anarchists’ cuddly toys, led by Cospito’s teddy bear. Another squeeze that Meloni could hold dear is forbidding Berlusconi to make statements in the open: he will only be able to make his pro-Putinian rants about Ukraine at home, with the windows closed, in the presence of his closest relatives and his own geriatrician; while he will be prohibited from opening his mouth to the outside world and embarrassing the government with international partners, under penalty of prison.

In this escalation, it cannot be excluded that the government also varies a ban on Elly Schlein: two weeks have passed since the victory of the new secretary in the primaries, and the Democratic Party has already risen in the polls. Meloni is nervous, she would like to light a cigarette but she can’t: she is away from home. I conclude by adding a note to the anti-rave decree: prohibition of karaoke, even between two people if they are both government officials. Certain scenes (such as the Meloni-Salvini duet at the latter’s birthday to De André’s notes: a performance which, due to the understanding between the two, recalled the couple Morgan and Bugo) certain scenes, I said, cannot be seen. And not out of cheap moralism: the chief minister of Finland Sanna Marin danced well, Salvini and Meloni instead sang very badly. Ok God, Country and Family: but even a little decorum wouldn’t be bad.