Neymar’s football comedy

Gossips speak of premeditated theater: the call of Réveillon, the Brazilian New Year, is irresistible. And the expulsion remedied by Neymar in the last match of 2022 he falls perfectly. But why doubt him: he is a real simulator. Necessary label, among the many superfluous of today’s football. Otherwise how to define those typical characters with constant connotations over time? Think of Massimo Marianella, when he called Joey Barton a criminal. Here you are. Through the pathos and irritation of the narrative voice, that historic commentary seemed to echo in Gianluigi Bagnulo, the Sky Sport colleague in charge of the PSG-Strasbourg live coverage: “Two yellows in a minute and a half for Neymar, who will never get rid of this habit ! Incredible how a world-class player can still make the same mistakes.”

It is the synthesis of O Ney’s career. Blessed by talent, by his country and by Pele. Who even from the hospital, while the Seleção sadly left Qatar, wanted to crown him like this: “I watched you grow, I was rooting for you every day and now I can congratulate you for equaling my number of goals with the national team (77, ed)”. But then why, at the age of thirty, does the Paris Saint-Germain star seem so far from the elite of football? He is the best dribbler around, he has scored more than 400 times, served almost 250 assists (about the same as Messi at his age) and lifted all the trophies he could win except the World Cup. Having exploded in the years of Leo and Cristiano, to then mature in the shadow of Mbappé, it will not be the idyllic astral conjuncture. But that’s not enough. Alan Shearer calls it “pathetic”. For Van Basten “he is a provocateur who pretends to be a victim: I would applaud if someone took care of him”. Translated: give him on his legs. Coming from someone who saw his genius condemned by accidents, an invitation that makes you think.

The point is that the Brazilian acrobatic is also everything else. Neymar who dives, Neymar who screams when they touch him, Neymar who rolls on the ground like a sausage – six times in a row, against Serbia at the 2018 World Cup. Memes, YouTube compilations, highlights of the player’s alternative feats are all the rage on the web. Who sometimes becomes a juggler, laughs, jumps at the man with disarming ease and, not happy, cheats him. It has been like this since the days of Santos, of Barça. After the Russian tournament, Neymar himself declared “that he looked at all my plays to ask myself if I was really simulating”. He words in the wind, in Paris he doesn’t change the music. This summer too he gets away with it: sumptuous performance in a friendly, then a hop and hop, penalty. Rain of criticism, he plays the Indian, another World Cup is upon us. There Neymar is knocked out against Serbia, he fears the worst, he rises wonderfully between the round of 16 and the quarterfinals but doesn’t avoid the elimination of his team. Back in the tunnel. And the cheating it’s like a drug: at the first chance slapped an opponent in the face, collapse in the area, curtain. If you didn’t like the comedy, feel free to boo.