“Busy at work and queen of the hearth. The myth of the superwoman is a trap”

StIt was the verses that the poet Giovanni Giudici, in 1992, dedicated to his wife that inspired the journalist Annalisa Monfreda in drafting her latest text I wrote this book instead of getting divorced (Feltrinelli, 2022), an essay that addresses the issue of women’s mental load. After a week of meetings that saw Monfreda return to Puglia from Milan, where she has lived for many years, to present her book, tomorrow the author will close the tour at the Vecchie Segherie Mastrototaro in Bisceglie.

Monfreda, how did the idea of ​​writing this essay come about?
In the family, even when there is an equal distribution of material commitment in the management of domestic life, a profound disparity remains: the mental load, i.e. the planning of activities, remains the responsibility of the woman. As I ran women’s magazines, I realized it was a central topic, but I thought I was out of it. However, as I was writing this book, Covid arrived. In that March 2020 I realized that this condition affected me too.
There is a connection with the previous As if you were not female. Notes for raising a daughter (Mondadori, 2018)?
They are both essays who also talk about my life. In the previous book, I questioned myself about the responsibility of raising my daughters, who are destined to enter a society that is still complex for women. as if, with my last text, I was questioning myself about the model I offer them. I involved them in this family revolution, so that they were also aware of what to look for in their future life as a couple.
Do you have a positive vision of the future that will welcome them?
Yes, things have already changed so much. The mental load is more subtle because we don’t see it. However, as we become aware of this condition, our actions change. The second challenge is to be able to open your partner’s eyes as well.
What advice do you give to young women?
The myth of the superwoman who can have a demanding job and at the same time respond to the social prototype of queen of the hearth must be debunked. That toxic model: we too have helped to build it with women’s magazines. The only real way to reconcile work and family is to share all the burden of family management.
To offer even more concrete tools for stitching together gender disparity, Rame was born in May. What is it about?
I founded Copper with three other partners because I think the subject of economic management is a fundamental node in the process of emancipation. an engine of equality: in Italy, sixty per cent of working women let their partner manage their money. At the base there is a cultural theme that must be cleared through customs. We do it with a podcast and a newsletter.
Have you ever felt like a victim of the gender pay gap?
Early in my professional career I began to feel that I was paid less than those who were older and male. The moment I affirmed my role also on an economic level, I gained confidence in my worth. We have to overcome the gender pay gap, because otherwise there will always be a stigma in us that we are worth less because we get paid less. The idea of ​​helping many women in this awareness has always been a mission for me.
Tomorrow, with the stop in Bisceglie, his presentations in Puglia will end. Do you perceive a difference between southern and northern readers on these issues?
The same problem, to change the approach. In the north, the construction of family myths is stronger: one thinks one is ahead, but in reality it is a veil that hides reality. In the south this veil is missing and women are more aware of their condition.