Against drought rely on Gemini, excellent diviners

Against drought rely on Gemini, excellent diviners

Fixed Horoscope reveals crazy paranormal attitudes: Taurus? Telekinesis. Virgin? Charlatanism and psychophony. Find out what it is

Let's start by saying that this week will be positive for all signs. There has never been such a favorable period in living memory. Love health business is at its best, basically something never seen before. So here is that my predictions focus on the parapsychological attitudes of each zodiac sign (everyone has a predisposition in a field). It goes without saying that for years parapsychology has been recognized as the most exact science. Let's proceed.


They have the ability to teletype. A psychic automatism to communicate with the deceased. It is no coincidence that many people turn to the Aries to ask the departed joint: "love, can you tell me where you placed the deed of the house in Albenga, I would not like it to be foreclosed by the municipality because you were interested in the tax aspect, I have not paid waste since you have been missing, that is, since 1976”. Others ask: "But what do you do all day in that spiritual dimension?". Aries who acts as a go-between intervenes to scold the client: "Some questions are not allowed for privacy reasons." Customer: "But what privacy, he's my husband!".


They are the only ones predisposed to telekinesis. In fact, they make girls fall in love by abusing these magical powers. However, moving objects with thought has subjective limits. For example, I (Taurus) can move an object up to a kilometer away. Clearly the more the distance increases the more the weight decreases. Example: if I manage to move a manure bin five meters only by concentrating (without any physical strength), at a thousand meters I move an egg from the basket where it is diligently placed in a pan next to it (distance traveled 31 cm).


The magical quality of Gemini is dowsing. In times of drought never seen before they are the most requested. Geminis have innate mental signals that use a wand (plum wood) to identify where to dig a well. Even in Africa. Out of ten reports they have the natives dig nine times for nothing. So much so that the Bushman chieftain says: "Excuse me, but are you a diviner or an imposter?". But then when they identify the water they thank him. No diviner gets it right the first time. This is the reason for so many diviners impaled and left to rot in the middle of the desert. It is the work of tribes who have no patience and after one or two unsuccessful excavations they take the diviner and after a summary trial without defense they pierce him without respect for his professionalism. Sorry, but you don't have to use your psychic talent. In fact, I recommend hiding it, pretending nothing happened.


Cancers have the ability to levitate. Some soar in defiance of gravity up to 150 meters in the air and then pirouette in the air and strip naked, making rude gestures that they could avoid. The simple levitation is enough to amaze the audience present. But you know, Cancers want to amaze beyond public decency, which is why they are also called "the boasters". The same goes for the women of this sign: in addition to levitating like crazy (in the office) they have another gift: changing the windows of the houses even if they are still beautiful resulting in conflict with the spouse. To the point that it is the first cause in divorces (even in other zodiac signs). This is found in all nations except Mexico.


They have the most beautiful gift in the world of magic: bilocation. Needless to explain it, but it is simplistic to call it that. In fact, Leos have the ability to be in 5-6 different places at the same time. Eg Portofino, Chianciano Terme, Giardini Naxos, Kuala Lumpur, Rio Lobo… these are usually the locations. Several witnesses say: I saw Nicola at the market at 10.30… The other: “Friend, it's impossible, at that time he was with me on a ferry that goes from Gardaland to Padenghe. We also drank an old black label Romagna. Taylor Swift was also on the pier before boarding… she is more beautiful live ”. The Leo woman uses this trait to be with two boyfriends.


The sign is distinguished by charlatanism, an ancient discipline practiced in Lombard courtyards where there was a woman, more rarely a man, who read the cards. Conditioning and not letting imbeciles sleep. This discipline has recently entered the phenomenology of the paranormal. In fact, it takes charisma to convince fools. In addition to this, some Virgos practice "psychophony": they record intelligent voices coming from the Ariosto nebula (about Alpha Centauri). It goes without saying that this practice is prohibited by SIAE as the text has not been deposited. Therefore, who do we give the royalties accrued for the broadcast of the farce? To the Masai? But we're not kidding.


That's what kind of vice he gets best: xenoglossy. Some speak languages ​​that have been extinct for millennia but for the most part Libras start speaking Arabic without ever knowing it. They make an impression when they start speaking a Mandarin used only in certain areas. Some are taken around the dozens of embassies in Rome by the social worker. The question is always that of the diplomat on duty: “Excuse me! Hear this moron speak, is that your language?” Magyar Consul: "No no, never heard of it". “Thank you very much”, and off to knock on another embassy, ​​“kindly excuse me…”. Before we find out what kind of language Libra speaks, it can take years, it is better to arrest him. The other inmates take care of shutting him up.


Blocking development: this is the amazing faculty that these Scorpios both women and men have. In practice they stare at a child (the relatives agree) and block his growth. Some manage to reactivate it (on request) others not. So they warn you first: “Think about it man! Because if we block your child's development, then you'll be left like this...". The other: "Block, block!". We are still discussing whether this ability to block development (even of fawns) is to be considered a paranormal phenomenon or simple suggestion. For me it is both. Actually none! It's just the desire to fall in love with Elena.


Alien Abduction: Curious that those who claim this are from Sagittarius. In the interviews released they are full of details on anatomical visits (usually the bales) made by extraterrestrials, the interior of spaceships, hybridization between Sagittarius women (very sexy) and green men one meter tall. Immediate birth of the conceived subject who looks like a kangaroo but is not a kangaroo. Provisions that through them must be delivered to the UN secretary general, and other events that make these stories unreliable, the result of a sick sexuality bordering on pederastism, not to be confused with the more traditional inclination across all signs, practiced by university graduates but not only. In fact, Sagittarius graduates are the most sophisticated women in the world, they seek the best in every aspect of daily life and flee from vulgar men. So they are destined to remain alone.


Brought to the fore in Nicholas Cage's magnificent film, precognition is only for the exclusive use of Capricorns. Here too there are varying degrees of this vice: in the film Cage (whose father was Lieutenant Colombo) can see "in there" by five minutes. Little… but better than nothing. Some go so far as to see things that will happen even days later. In fact, they warn the authorities who, however, do not listen. Here then, very disappointed by the obtuse public administration, the Capricorns shut themselves up and even if they predict a tornado on Helsinki they don't say it. Also because let's face it, sometimes they mess up.


Sorry to say but Aquarians have no paranormal faculties. We dug deep to at least find something weird that we could plug into the world of the paranormal. Nothing. Could it be that this total absence of unexplained phenomena is itself paranormal? For me yes! And that's that.


There is modest paranormal activity due to the earth's magnetism, reversed for some. For me no. At the limit, the poles reverse, but not because of the members of this sign. However there is a little something for them: some males find a hidden object very easily. Carry out an experiment in your country cottage, gather around fifty friends (of all signs), hide a child's spleen under the seat of the combine harvester parked in the farmyard. Start the treasure hunt, the hidden object will be found shortly. Sure that the discoverer of this crap is Pisces. If this is not paranormal… I don't know what to expect even more beautiful. May Monica tell you I love you! Would I like you as a bridegroom? But here we go further… the bending of the handle of the ladle with the thought.

  • Maurice Milani

  • Born in Milan on May 20, 1961. Real name: Carlo Barcellesi. Graduated from eighth grade at Camera del Lavoro of Milan in 1985, evening course with limited number. After the military he works as a kitchen boy in a hotel. In 1987 he finished last in "Riso in Italy", an important competition in Rome for young people. He appeals and wins. He has an eviction but does not recognize the sentence. He has been collaborating with Il Foglio since 1986 thanks to the director Giuliano Ferrara. He is engaged to Monica.

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